I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
