I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're so nebulous sometimes
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
