at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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