Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
