& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need a beard to bite.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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