Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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