Got a toothbrush?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
