i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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