HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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