you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
