Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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