My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
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