I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
