My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
only if we run a train.
done.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
