This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
