this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
