seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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