Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
