That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
