In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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