That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
