im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
