Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just high enough for therapy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
