i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
