I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
