Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Randomize
