I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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