Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
