So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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