I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
