Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
