I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Girls should come with a carfax report
found the other keg... it's in the tree
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
