Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to make out with him forever
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
