you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
