The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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