So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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