i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
