So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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