There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
