btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
