i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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