How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
