clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize