there's paper in my vomit.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
