oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
