i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
