You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
