Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
