We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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