She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
