If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
