On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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