I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
