I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
