I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
