alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
