after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mom said you looked used
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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