so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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