we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
