I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
