he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
