He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
