there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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