What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I intend to get homeless drunk
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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