This is not my ceiling
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My feet surprised me
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