after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
