he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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